My Pathway to Sharing My Voice

by Brian Nolan

Basically, from birth to age 18, I pretended to be an introvert. It was safer to be
shy and not talk, then to talk and be embarrassed by my stutter. I avoided most
every situation to talk. I do remember a couple of classes in high school where I
raised my hand a lot. These were the classes that I loved and couldn’t keep myself
from talking. They were safer environments, small classes where the teacher knew
me. I’m a twin and my twin brother often spoke first, often for me.

Saying my first name was particularly difficult and something I feared and
avoided. I had a couple of devastating experiences with it: Summer camp in 6th
grade; “What’s a matter, you don’t know your name. Oh, we have a bright one
here.” I went back to my cabin in shame. First day in school when the teacher went
down the rows… These situations continued. I remember going to the bathroom
when in a big meeting room and we had to go around the room to introduce
ourselves.

My true pathway really began on the first day of college, in 1981, when my
parents dropped me off at St. Joe’s. It was a drop and run situation…. They were
on their way. Wow, was I alone! I remember being in my room and hearing voices
outside in the hallway. I remember thinking that I had no choice. I needed to go
out there and introduce myself. I remember it like it was yesterday. I walked out
and said: “Hi. I’m Brian”. The boy’s name was Steve. He quickly said: “I’m
Steve”. I could tell that he was nervous, maybe more nervous than me! He said:
“Did you go to dinner yet”. The next thing I knew we were walking to dinner.
Within minutes we met a bunch of other guys. I became good at saying: “Hi, I’m
Brian, and this is Steve”. Immediately I was a connector of people. It was crazy.
Within a day I was seen as a leader, of sorts; all because I became good at
introducing myself as well as other people to each other. I noticed that people sort
of hung back, cautiously, almost afraid to step up. Oddly, saying my name had
been difficult my entire life. I realized however that if I was first to introduce
myself, I was in control. To this day I’m the first to introduce myself.

The revelation was: be a connector of people and, offense vs. defense. If I’m on
defense, waiting to be asked a question (like what’s your name), it doesn’t go well.

When I’m on offense, I’m on the move and in control! My visual is: Go from the
back of my heals to the front toes.

Next revelation: get good at asking questions! I ask a lot of questions, get people
to talk about themselves and actively listen, I realized that a lot of people don’t
“actively listen”, with 100% attention. Listening is a gift that people who stutter
have! It has also been why I’ve been successful in my career as a business coach.

Next revelation: determination is stronger than my stutter. When I was 22 years
old I went to graduate school. The enrollment process didn’t go well. My student
loan check hadn’t come through and it was the day before classes started at the
George Washington University. I was at the registrar’s office and an administrator
told me that I couldn’t enroll that semester because funds hadn’t been received. I
would not be turned down. I stayed in that office…., of what became somewhat of
a sit in, until we got the PA student loan office on the phone and had the money
wired. I would not be denied!

Today, at 61 years old, people call me outgoing. I’ll always remember “shy
Brian”. That’s not me! I tell myself that every time I walk into a party or room
full of people. Self-talk has been revolutionary for me. I talked to myself, I don’t
listen to myself. I’m not the life of the party, but I always find someone to connect
with.

My pathway is about being on offense, connecting people to people, asking
questions, listening and being so determined to achieve my goals that stuttering is a
distant second in my mind. The takeaway: put yourself out there and don’t let your
stutter stop you from being what God intended.